The Turning Point

My Sunday ritual is to sleep in, clean the kitchen while listening to a podcast, and then make something to eat before my husband comes home from church.

 

Yesterday, I did exactly that. The podcast was about serving your purpose, learning the lessons we are supposed to, and healing yourself and the world around you. I kind of love the concept of returning to Earth after death, if we have not “learned what we were supposed to”. Apparently, we can become a Guide or Angel if we have learned the lesson, and by becoming one, we can help people here on Earth, to learn their lessons.  

But serving your purpose on earth is almost coming down to being a Guide or Angel in human form, while we are struggling with our human limitations.

Now, I’d like to think I am super Spiritual – I burn Sage Smudge Sticks, I burn Palo Santo. I follow the Moon cycles and I love Human Design and Astrology. I love to explore Spiritual beliefs that resonate with me. Even if the tarot cards don’t make sense or the magic spell has not worked. If past lives were true, I believe that I was a witch that was hunted down in the 1700s - in Scotland to be precise. If I can, I’d like to label this as my “true design” and something that definitely aligns with my heart. My Moon sign in Astrology is Scorpio - everything spiritual and emotional. 

But… actually, I am a great skeptic that rationalizes everything (because of previews conditioning and hurt). In the bigger picture, there is no Universe or Deities that guides us and cares for us. It would be cruel if it did exist, wouldn’t it? There are thousands of people dying of hunger. Thousands of women that is being rapped and beaten to death, just to mention a few. How can a “Universe” or “Deity” care if I get a bonus or new car, if there are people with real problems out there?

 

The podcast episode left me with one question – What is my purpose in this life?

My answer – I don’t have a purpose. 

 

If I must elaborate on my answer, it will look like this.
I have an office job, something I don’t like doing. I manage one of seven branches in the country, and I am lucky they picked me, over someone who has a degree or diploma behind their name.

I have a husband who was on a sabbatical for the last year, the business where he volunteered for the last two months, will make him a job offer within the next 5 days. We hope it comes through because our savings are depleted.

We have 3 dogs that bring us much joy and we love them to bits.

I don't have much of social life, because I am quite emotional, and find shallow chats quite boring and unstimulating. I do have friends that I connect with, deeply, but we don't see each other that often. We live about 600km apart from one another. 

That is about it... Kind of depressing. 

 

Am I happy?

Relatively, yes.

 

Do I have a purpose?

Not really.

 

What is my purpose?

I am about to figure that out.

 

My goal with this blog is to take myself on a journey of self-discovery. And if anyone resonates with any part of my journey, the better it will be. I love pen-pals and I don’t mind meeting new ones. I want to discover who I truly am, and what my purpose in this life is. What am I meant to share, and will that make a difference somewhere, to someone?